Sunday, June 18, 2006 ; 12:48 PM♥
Because of you ; again.
Again, i just needed to apologise for the incident. i believed it was uncalled for and barely acceptable. if i could take it all back, i wold. i would give anything to go back to times where there wasnt such a strain on me. i dont deserve any of these things and i hope lke hell that god would take it all back. but can people remove things just because it hurts and stands in their way? Can they? they try, but often getmocked at for being such a pathetic fool. i dont need your pity or any other feelings you cannot afoard to give. all i need is your understanding. it is your choice really to choose whether you deserve to bear all these nonsensical luggage that i lug around, together with me. it is your choice to see whether it is worth to help me push through the barriers. cos it all comes down to me understanding that all these shit. yeah, i need to fix them personally. No one will take it away from me so i cant remove all these without paying a hefty price.
You can make things harder or easier. i dont know. i am really exhausted and hope that whatever i do to make it go easier works. i dont want to be haunted my whole life. i dont want to be labelled unssuccesful, traumatised and angry. i dont want to be a monster of all the things i clearly dont deserve. in life's only greed and death's open arms, i wish for all of it to go away. far away
i dont think i can take it any longer. i'm not indestructable nor infallible. i cannot fathom my maker's twisted way in making me learn lessons. for now, i need to be able to choose what i see, heard and feel. and it's really up to you to decide whether you're gonna stand by me and give me a helping hand.